


Szthrar'kek's Backstory

by Acemindbreaker



Category: Dungeons & Dragons (Roleplaying Game)
Genre: Autistic Coded Character, Gen, Gender-Neutral Pronouns, Illithid, Implied/Referenced Ableism, Neurodiversity, Stimming
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-01-07
Packaged: 2019-10-06 04:33:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17338670
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Acemindbreaker/pseuds/Acemindbreaker
Summary: Szthrar'kek is unusual for a illithid, an outsider among xyr people. As xe researches the lore of xyr kind, xe realizes that xe is carrying a dangerous secret, that could mean xyr death if the others find out.





	Szthrar'kek's Backstory

**Author's Note:**

> One of my first D&D campaigns was a wacky campaign featuring a team of Szthar'kek, my illithid psion, and xyr two-headed troll fighter sidekick Gum-Gum & Thrak taking over a dungeon and building their own lair. The campaign eventually fizzled out and I left those adventures as a fond memory, but in the past could days, I've started watching Critical Role Campaign One and the character of Clarota inspired me to write some of Szthrar'kek's backstory.
> 
> Also, I'm autistic, and I ended up making Szthrar'kek kind of autistic-coded. Xe even has an adapted form of my favourite stim!

Szthrar’kek knew there was something wrong with xim. There always had been.

The other illithid were content within their ordered home, tending to the Elder Brain and managing the hunting raids and holding pens for their prey, larval hosts and experimental subjects. But Szthrar’kek stifled under xyr lack of freedom. Whenever the Elder Brain would touch xyr mind to give orders, xe would instinctively recoil, resisting the connection. It took force of will to make xyrself lower xyr mental barriers as xe should, and Szthrar’kek always felt strangely tainted afterwards.

And then there were the dreams. Szthrar’kek kept this secret locked deep within xyr mind, fearing the reaction of xyr compatriots if they knew, but sometimes, when xe dreamed, xe was not xyrself. Xe could see a hand with five fingers instead of four, tipped with manicured nails instead of soft claws, and the color was different—less purple, more black. Xe could see a lock of white hair, could remember playing with xyr hair with a hand as xe studied. Xe could see xyrself doing a flourish and sending lights from xyr hand, watching them swirl around the ceiling of a room adorned with a tapestry depicting a spider.

Szthrar’kek mostly worked in the archive, away from the holding pens—xe knew that the Elder Brain had concerns about how trustworthy xe was, and with good reason. Although xe hated being given orders, xe liked the archive. Xe spent many an hour alone, trailing xyr tentacles along the four lines of a qualith text, reading the history of xyr people and the tales of elsewhere. Xe especially loved learning about the surface world, a place apparently filled with bright light and strange creatures. Illithid did not venture up there except under the most exceptional circumstances, so Szthrar’kek fantasized about going there and never feeling the mental touch of another of xyr kind ever again.

It was in the archive that Szthrar’kek found xyr first clue as to the nature of xyr dreams, in a treatise on the proper care and tending of larva. In order to make the transition from larval to adult form, the larva needed a host with a sentient mind—all illithid knew this. The larva would burrow into the brain of xyr host, consuming it in a process known as ceremorphosis, and in the process gaining sentience and the energy to reshape xyr body to an adult illithid’s form. In the process, the host’s mind was destroyed, just as it was when an illithid fed. Or at least, that was how it was supposed to go.

This book detailed a number of ways that this process could go wrong, such as an illithid who was unable to transform their host body and remained in their host’s form; or a larva who grew without ceremorphosis, becoming a horrific abomination. But the most relevant to Szthrar’kek was the discussion of illithid who retained personality traits, mannerisms, or memories of their former selves.

These illithid were said to be a danger to the hive, since they might retain enough of the host’s personality to plot against the hive as their host would’ve liked to. For this reason, the text recommended killing any illithid found to have retained aspects of their host’s identity.

Reading this, Szthrar’kek pulled back, suddenly acutely aware of the danger xe could be in if anyone knew xyr secret. Instinctively, xe probed xyr surroundings, and xe tried to calm down. No one knew. As long as xe continued to bury the thoughts of xyr strange dreams—memories—xe would remain safe.

Then xe noticed a mannerism xe was doing unconsciously, twining a facial tentacle around xyr finger, and was struck with the mental image of a lock of white hair around a greyish-black finger. Xe yanked xyr hand and tentacle apart as if burnt. That was a mannerism carried over, adapted for the change in xyr physical form. It was dangerous.


End file.
